no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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