I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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