I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
