you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
