My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
