R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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