What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
