a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
