dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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