On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sext me about skeletons
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
