??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
