P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
