Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
