once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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