she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
