he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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