I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
