dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
