can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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