It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
