3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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