I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
