The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
