You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
