Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
