Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
