Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
