I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
