oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
