angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
