You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I intend to get homeless drunk
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
