you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
