I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
