I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
