I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
