I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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