Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
