and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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