dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
