You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
