just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
