I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
