I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Every concussion has its silver lining
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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