He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
