yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
