So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
