If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
