TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
