just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
