Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
