I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
