What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
